Motivation, discipline… What is it?

DISCLAIMER: I’m genuinely curious and looking for answers. Not venting.

I’ve struggled with my weight since I gained consciousness as a child. That’s all I ever heard, then and now. My first diet was at 13. Tried many things— from the good to the bad ones. I’d lose weight and then gain it again and so on. Lowest I’ve ever been was because I was working as a server on a busy terrace from 9am to 2am almost every day (I wasn’t dieting at all. And ate the same) I still thought I was overweight (I was not. 5’9 180 pounds wasn’t bad at all)

Today, I’m at 5’10 and 265 pounds…. And I’m still uncomfortable in my body. I feel the consequences of being unhealthy. I don’t like how I look in the mirror. Nothing fits me well… I’m lonely and I feel I don’t want to put myself out here feeling like this.

However, no matter how bad I think about it everyday. How embarrassed I feel when I lose my breath easily or can barely stand up because of my weight or how hard dating is for me,

I can’t still stick to a plan….

I don’t know what am I missing. I don’t understand.

I’ve always struggled with food, and it genuinely feels as if I was an alcoholic trying to get clean but biologically you need the alcohol to stay alive so you can’t measure yourself…

Recommendations? Opinions?

Thank you!

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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1x1f75p/motivation_discipline_what_is_it/