I’ve apparently become a yoyo- dieter and I hate myself

24F, 174cm (5ft 8.5inch)
Here is my journey so far
Fall 2023 – 209 lb (95 kg)
Nov 2023 – 198 lb (90 kg)
Jan 2024 – 190 lb (86 kg)
Nov 2024 – 198 lb (90 kg)
Dec 2024 – 190 lb (86 kg)
Jun 2025 – 176 lb (80 kg)
Jul 2025 – 170 lb (77 kg, your lowest)
Nov 2025 – 176 lb (80 kg)
Jan 2026 – 181 lb (82 kg)
Mar 2026 – 185 lb (84 kg)
Today – 194 lb (88 kg)

I have now started my journey again and I’m feeling good, but today I weighed myself at a whopping 88kg, when I thought I was still 84kg. I did not know I had gained that much again. I don’t want to be like this, going up and down, I know it’s not good. I don’t like the fact that I keep falling off and gaining time and time again. I want to lose the 11 kg of weight I have gained since last year as fast as possible, but I know it’s not the best way to go about it. I thought I had already built good habits to keep this a lifestyle, but then I got depressed and didn’t care about gaining weight… this is so fustrating, I don’t feel good in my body and I don’t like looking in the mirror.

I don’t know what I’m looking for but maybe a bit of advice, comforting words, or anything like that

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