I’m struggling. I’m a few days away from a year cigarette free. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The past year I have lost interest in everything that was important to me. (Ex. Shows, movies, games, most music, and writing.) The one thing (thank god) that remained was reading. Forgive me this is going to be long. I don’t know where to start. I’m afraid to be ridiculed as there are so much worse things happening. Here we go.
I graduated with my bachelors in December. The emotional toll it took on me to maintain a high gpa (graduated summa cum laude) burnt me out. Please understand I am not proud of this. College is a scam. I worked hard yes, but all scams can be scammed so to speak. The stress of wanting to succeed and despising the same system burnt me out. But a bachelors is worth less than a high school diploma. So I started my masters classes and it too soon. The burn out never went away.
I had smoked for 17 years. I loved every minute of it. Roughly a pack a day. I lost friends and family to lung cancer. In 2024 alone two people very close to me died because of it. I took chantinx to help quit. Because honestly I never would have done it without medical intervention. The deaths didn’t make me scared. They made me sad and I’m still grieving them. I still wanted to smoke. This last year I have wanted to smoke every day. Some days it was once. Some days it was all day.
Since quitting my weight has ballooned. I ate instead of smoked. I was already hovering around 500lbs. But this last year I went to up to 525. I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and prescribed ozempic. I’ve been on it for two days at the time of this writing. It’s working as intended. I know longer want to eat. I fell like I ate an entire pizza. Just over full. I know my body will adjust to it. But I’ve now lost another thing I enjoyed.
I don’t see the point in living. I don’t drink. I don’t do other drugs. I don’t smoke. I can’t eat. I have type 2 diabetes. I hate college so much it makes me want to puke even thinking about it. I know there is more to life than eating, drinking, and smoking but I don’t see the point in living a healthy life when I’m so fucking miserable. So I get to be miserable for longer? I am actively looking for therapists. I am not suicidal. I just don’t know what the point to all of this is. I know there is a heavy dose of depression in here making me feel this way. I just worry that there might be something else wrong.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1m9mcjc/im_struggling_with_the_point_of_it_all/
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