Hi,
I have been friends with, let’s call her H, for about two years. About a couple months ago we both discovered that we were trying to lose weight! It was exciting because it felt good to be able to discuss my weightloss, progress and goals with someone who could relate because they were on the same journey. I have been losing weight for about 8 months now and I am happy and ready to start maintaining and getting more toned by lifting weights and making more healthier changes to diets, by adding small micronutrients in.
I look different, I have changed and people have noticed my weightloss! I’ve received a couple "you look so skinny now" "you need to stop losing weight" "are you stressed?" I just laugh them off. I have been losing weight very slowly since July 2022 and have lost 15kgs since then! I was very careful to make it a slow process and honestly I mostly kept my progress and journey to myself, unless someone asked!
At some point I stopped speaking to H about my weightloss because she wasn’t achieving her goals or losing weight the way she wanted, I would give her advice on some of the things I was doing like intermittent fasting (I would have my last meal at 8pm and then only eat again at 8am) and taking walks and slowly cutting out sugar. However, H never progressed and would still eat mcdonald’s or invite me out to eat or eat like a whole box of 8 mini chocolate filled donuts that they sell at a grocery store close to our collage. I don’t judge other people’s food choices and decided it was none of my business. Sometimes H would ask me to go get donuts with her and I went, and we enjoyed them and spoke about how delicious they were!
There were times she would be happy because she lost weight and come tell me about it and then after that she would say that she gained weight again. The day I reached my goal weight, H made a comment and said "You’re looking so skinny now. How are you losing weight?" and again, I told her. Intermittent fasting. Walking. And I was slowly trying to cut out sugar unnecessary sugar. I began to notice that H would avoid me or wouldn’t speak to me unless I approached her first or when she wanted to go eat, etc. I thought this was weird but didn’t think too much in it because well, she was my friend.
About two weeks after that my other friend, we will call her T, invited me to a dinner at a restaurant. Including H and T’s best friend from her home country, Let’s call her O. I was a bit late for the dinner but informed them before hand that I would be a bit late. H never responded to any of my messages but I didn’t ponder on it. There was a long line and even when I got there we still waited about 40 minutes in the line. Nonetheless, I apologized for being late. H never spoke to me or acknowledged my existence. She only spoke to the other two that were there. It made me feel really sad and I wanted to leave but I thought I was overthinking it.
H, T and O speak the same language. The whole evening H would only speak in her mother tongue and of course I could never join in the conversation because I did not understand. Bare in mind she still had not acknowledged my existence. There would be times T and O would speak to me and ask if I was okay and so on. I answered with "Yeah, I’m just a bit tired, I had a long day" because I was feeling a bit insecure and left out. I almost cried at the dinner table, it wasn’t a nice feeling but I stayed and had dinner with them. I paid for my share and left immediately after and said bye. H never spoke to me the whole night.
The next week at college, H continued to ignore me. So I didn’t initiate any contact with her and still haven’t. I know I was late for the dinner but I don’t think that I was late enough to warrant getting the silent treatment so it makes me wonder if it’s because I’ve been losing weight. I know it sounds so silly but I haven’t done anything to H. I’ve tried to rack my brain and think of if I might of offended her in some way. I haven’t. I’ve been a good friend. My friendships are important to me and I do my best to make sure I treat my friends with kindness so I’m a bit stunned and hurt by her behavior.
H did this to two other friends of ours, let’s call them P and M, she just simply stopped speaking to them. She said P always acts like everything is a competition and she feels that P likes to compare herself to H. P is literally one of the kindest person I’ve ever met. She’s a sweetheart so I was confused about her saying P makes everything a competition. I mean he’s P and H get similar grades a lot but I think P is more skilled and really good and professional with her work. I’m not sure why she stopped speaking to M but she was never really close with M anyways.
So now it makes me wonder if she might feel like her and I are in competition and that’s why she doesn’t want to speak to me anymore?…
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/127jjer/is_it_possible_to_lose_friends_over_weight_loss/
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