I am (20) a very insecure person. I've always been insecure about my body - I also had an eating disorder when I was about 13-16. After my eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia) I started to train more and eat more and then I gained weight. I always had a kind of wrong look at myself... I never really knew what I looked like and don't like pictures of myself.
When I met my boyfriend I thought calorie counting and going to the gym was my secure place to never ever gain weight. But, when I started my hormonal contraception, I had this unbearable hunger. So I ate. And I gained a lot of weight in that period of time. When I started to restrict again I only ended up binging. And then I thought to myself: "Why am I so weak?". And I've come to this realisation, that no matter how much I weigh, I have to eat. But it is hard, because not eating feels for me like a self counciousness boost. And when I eat I kind of lose myself. I tried calorie counting a few times and I just can not bring myself to do it, because I already destroyed my teens with various diets and I don't want to end up like this again in my 20s. I have done an intuitive eating program with a therapist and it helped really much, last year... it just does not get me to my goals. And i literally don't know what gets me to my goals anymore.
BUT... I want to change my body in a healthy way. I've always been a fan of working out, doing weight training.
My problem is, when I tell myself, that I should not eat sweets and that I should start to eat just a little less and eat more protein/vegetables and fruits .... It makes me feel so anxious, because "what if I don't change and everything is for nothing?" I want to lose the weight I gained when I met my boyfriend (about 10kg).
I have never ever lost weight in a healthy way - So maybe you guys have any tipps how to do that?!
Calorie counting is not off the boards, but I just cannot trust the process that when I eat "1600" calories I lose weight. I always think to myself, that this is too much food anyway...
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/syhpnn/losing_weight_after_an_eating_disorder/
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