(I already posted this on r/advice, but I figured I might get better help/more people might relate here.)
TL;DR: I don't want to lose weight because my mom is using it as a condition to let me go to the US to finish my studies.
I’m 23F, and I live in the Middle East. My older brother (24M) and I were born in the US when my parents were getting their PHDs, so that has given us many opportunities (that we haven’t seized) that others here don’t have.
My brother and I are very different. He struggled a lot with grade 12 (took him around 3 years to finally pass, but ended up with a good GPA), decided universities are a scam, went to med school, dropped out, started a car business that failed, studied management for a year then dropped out. All the while I was working on my BA in English Language and Literature, graduating in February 2020 with a great GPA.
During my undergraduate studies, I emphasized to my parents that I would love to finish my higher education in the US. I already have the citizenship so it wouldn’t be an issue. In Middle Eastern culture, women can’t travel without men, so it took me a while to convince them that I could go on my own. They finally agreed, but told me to hold off looking for universities to apply to until after I graduated.
After I did graduate, they kept holding off and making excuses that I should wait, that it wasn’t a good time, that I should get teaching experience working at their school until I could go, and wait for certain relatives to move to the US first so I could move in with them. They told me NOT to apply in universities here either because it would be a waste of money since I was going to the US.
I agreed; I’ve been working at their school ever since I graduated (literally started the day after my ceremony) and have wasted 2 years now just “waiting”. Lo and behold, a few months ago my parents tell me they’re taking my older brother to the US instead. They think he’s mentally ill since he has no future plans and a “change of scenery” would push him in the right direction. At the same time, they’ve started to push me into just finishing my masters here because I’ve waited too long and I should just get it over with.
I’m obviously not okay with this; I deserve to go more than he does. When I told my mom this isn’t fair, she said: “Okay, if you lose weight, I’ll let you go.” She has mentioned before that if I do go to the US by myself, my “pool of suitors” would “shrink”, and she doesn’t want that. She wants me to marry before I go to the US, and I told her I won’t get married before I go to the US by myself first. Every time we have this discussion, she always counters with: “You’re making conditions when no one even wants to marry you; you’re fat!”
I’m morbidly obese, I KNOW I should lose the weight, and I know that I have the resources to do so. However, I don’t want to if it’s going to be used against me to waste time here when I could be working on my future. I feel like she’s just “baiting” me to lose weight so I think I can finally go by myself, then she’ll throw a man in my face and make me go with him instead. I don’t think it’s fair that my brother can be lazy and manipulative (he’s been scamming my mom for money for years) and THAT gets him a free trip to the US. Whereas I have to lose weight even though I work 100x harder than he ever did.
I should mention that my parents are separated, and my parents’ stances are my mom wants me to lose weight so I can get married and go with a husband, and my dad secretly doesn’t want me to go (even though he keeps telling me to my face that the only reason I’m not in the US yet is my mom).
It’s important I also mention I’m from the Middle East because the culture here is different than the West. Adults can’t leave their parents’ house until they’re married, and arranged marriage is the norm (dating is disgraceful and looked down upon, which allows men here to use that against their girlfriends to manipulate and scare them). Keeping this in mind, I’d prefer I don’t get advice like: “you’re 23; just leave!” because trust me, I wish I could. Not only does our culture influence the laws, but I only get $300 a month anyway so I can’t do much but wait for my parents to let me go.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/qido67/i_refuse_to_lose_weight_out_of_spite_is_that_the/
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