How do you deal with friends who are not fat but continue to call themselves fat in front of you, knowing you are clearly larger than them.
I went to a birthday dinner with a few friends I went to grad school with. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight in the last few years due to a combination of hypothyroidism, PCOS, and an anxiety medication that caused very rapid weight gain. I know I need to lose weight. I am working on it. I don’t love the way I look, but I’m much better than I was before in terms of just accepting where I am now and knowing it isn’t a permanent situation and hiding myself or avoiding photos doesn’t change reality. But still, how do you deal with situations like this?
All three of the women I went out with are very thin, and are least 5 inches taller than me. I’m very short so the weight looks particularly noticeable on my short frame.
One of the women, the entire night, just kept calling herself fat and objectively speaking, she is not, by any measure, fat. As we talked about stories of when we were in school, she would again find a way to reference her own self in this way, when she has never objectively been large. With every photo we took, they all obsessively needed to check to make sure they didn’t look fat specifically, and complaining they did when they didn’t, but I clearly did. Especially in one set where we were sitting down for a shot and no table in front of us, I looked particularly large in comparison, sitting in the middle, and they kept re-shuffling around me to make sure they didn’t look “fat” in the photos. But they seemed to pause with this set, like waiting for me to not approve because I looked worse in those than the others, due to the fact we were sitting down. I just said they’re fine and I don’t care. They confirmed twice, while also continuing to complain about themselves. So I just let them do whatever they want and post whatever they want online. I genuinely have stopped caring, but this night it was just constant references and behaviors the entire night.
I just find these situations so uncomfortable. I just don’t say anything and let comments like this pass, and wait for the topic to change. I also don’t participate in the obsessing over the photos, because I know that at this point in time, I can’t change how I look in the photos, and in comparison to them, there simply won’t be one where I look amazing. I just don’t want to join in and get the fake “oh no you look amazing” comments from anyone and discussing my weight is far more emotional for me because it’s been a genuine struggle my entire life, but even more so lately.
Again, usually I let this stuff pass but it was just so constant this time, it almost felt like they wanted me to join in or self deprecate myself to make them feel better by saying no you look amazing, I’m the one that’s fat. I just felt so uncomfortable and just wanted to go home. Like when they are eating something while saying “oh I shouldn’t be eating this I’ll get fat” how am I supposed to then eat my dinner? Like I’m already fat, am I supposed to not eat at all? Is that what they’re thinking? Or if they say oh I’m so hungry I’m going to get fat, like I feel like I cannot ever say that I am hungry. I also end up feeling like I need to justify my meal, like oh I was working all day and haven’t had anything since breakfast aside from a protein shake. Am I supposed to be putting myself down with them, even though for me it’s true and evident, why do I need to publicly talk about it?
Idk I know this is something that’s common and people deal with it all the time, but what do I do or say in these situations. Do I just continue to stay quiet and just not acknowledge these kinds of comments and let them pass? Or something else?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/qiwoqz/how_do_you_deal_with_friends_who_are_not_fat_but/
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