I hate being big

I’m f, 5’10 and 235 pounds. While it balances out a bit with my height and curves, I’m just tired of being this weight. I lost 35 pounds two years ago and was down to 170. I’ve gained 65 back.

It’s hard to admit that I have really bad eating habits. Growing up, I was always overweight. I remember eating until I felt sick. One thanksgiving at around the age of 10/11 I threw up in the bathroom and was happy because I could go eat more. Middle school only got worse as a 5’8, overweight, fat-faced and acne ridden (from a terrible diet) teenager.

I really feel like I can do it yet I’m always messing up, usually within two days. Today I ate Mexican food and a whole six inch cheesecake. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m scared there will be a day I get on the scale and I’m 300 or more. I understand I need to look at it as a complete life change, not a diet. I’ve done it before and I know everything I SHOULD do, I just can’t do it!

I want to drop back to 170 by the time I go to college next August but it’s like my body doesn’t want to cooperate. Any similar experiences or tips from people who lost weight while dealing with food addiction/binge eating disorder?

I don’t want to live like this anymore. Please help.

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