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F22, unhealthy rel with food, wanting to lose weight

I'm a 22 year old female. When I was 11 I weighed 85kgs, then by 14 I weighed 57. I used to starve myself a lot, that formed a horrible relationship with food. Now I'm 22 and back to square one, I weigh around 80-90kg, not sure how much exactly because I can't look at the scale. I'm 5"5, and the weight goes to my face, stomach and thighs. I can't stand to look at myself, the way I'm shaped makes me feel sick. My butt isn't small, but my stomach feels huge. I don't know how to improve my relationship with food, when I'm sad I eat then feel miserable because I made things worse. I also don't have access to fresh veggies all the time, so depend on frozen food such as chips, chicken nuggets etc. I also eat a lot of rice and pasta. I'm honestly desperate now. I wanna lose weight to finally feel good about myself, I deserve to not hate my body for once.

From where can I start? Also please don't recommend fad diets such as keto. Tried all of them and it made my mental health spiral.

And one last thing, are there foods that can be avoided for a smaller stomach? Thanks!!

submitted by /u/rosedamask
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/jlv7o0/f22_unhealthy_rel_with_food_wanting_to_lose_weight/

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