I honestly don't know what to do. I know I've let myself go. I went from 136 to 151. The exact same weight from when I started.
I started out amazing. It was a little hard to maintain it, since I kept eating after school for volleyball, but I was 136-138 for the majority of the semester.
Then Christmas came. I had to go visit my grandfather for London. Over there, I just didn't focus on my weight at all. There were many things I wanted to try, and I admit, I didn't regret it. It was an experience. Then I came back home and discovered I'd gained four pounds that wouldn't be going away any time soon.
I felt okay with that. I knew it was a bump, but I would lose it again. Track season had come up, and the weight was fluxing between 140-144. I still wasn't mad. I knew I was getting faster and stronger, I even placed with the faster girls, and that's what I want. For volleyball and for track.
But then school was out for a few weeks. I thought, no biggie, I would lose weight in quarantine now that I'm away from school food. I was motivated, to say the least. I wouldn't eat until I worked out. I would sleep to avoid eating.
Then they said that school was out for the rest of the year.
I was devastated. I gave up. Who cares, you know. No one would see me.
I was 141. Now I'm 151. And I'm terrified.
I can't lose weight by exercising anymore. I used to go to the track and run a mile straight, then another mile doing jogging/walking and sprint intervals, then a mile to cool down. Then I went to the gym to lift weights and do HIIT. I enjoyed the track because I wanted to get a feel for it, that I was actually moving and I could switch up my pace more easily than if I was on a treadmill.
I can't go out to the track, it's gates are closed. My parents forbid me from going outside, so even just general cardio is out of the question. The gym's closed as well.
I've tried to do HIIT workouts, and Chloe Ting and all that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to hate myself if I didn't do them. But now, I just keep making more and more excuses. And I hate myself for it. It's so bad.
It's like I'm hiding behind them. Oh, it'll go away. I'll work on it tomorrow. I can fast tomorrow.
Except I never had the motivation to finish the fast. I used to be able to do 48-72 hours easily. I can't even do a full day anymore.
I'm just ashamed that it took me to gain 15 POUNDS to see that.
My goal is to hit 130 in 6 weeks. I don't know if I should start now (menstruation sucks :P) but I know that once I commit, I have to go all the way. I've been trying to adjust my all-or-nothing mindset to my weight. I CAN do 6 weeks. I've done it before, when I went from 151 to 136 in a month. I can hit 130 in 6 weeks.
I need the motivation, and advice to keep it off. Please.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gamsz7/ive_regained_all_of_my_weight_from_a_year_ago_the/
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