I hope this isn’t too awkward of a topic but I’m feeling so down lately. I’m 23 and am graduating from college this semester. I met my bf at college and he graduated last semester. When I met him, I was 140 lbs and felt very confident in myself. Everything changed last summer when I had a pulmonary embolism from my birth control. It was so traumatic and made me extremely depressed. Subsequently, I gained 60 lbs. it doesn’t look insane on my 5’6 frame but it does look pretty bad. My boyfriend is extremely fit and attractive. We’ve been through a lot together after my hospitalization and he’s never once said anything to me to make me feel bad about myself but when looking through old pictures of us, he goes “Wow, I forgot you used to look like that. Don’t you want to look that good again, babe?” Of course I do and I hate looking at my chubby round face, huge stomach, flabby arms and back rolls. I have huge boobs and a giant butt now but I’m disgusted by them. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful all the time and how attracted he is to me but I just feel like a giant squishy blob.
I was doing intermittent fasting/keto recently and lost 20 pounds but then COVID-19 happened and so many things changed. My graduation was canceled, nursing school put on hold, I was laid off, etc. it all sent me spiraling back to right where I was. To top it off, the very little sex drive I have now because of how much I don’t want to show my ugly naked body to him was further diminished by my boyfriend turning the lamp off and losing his, well, you know “attraction” to me in the middle of the act tonight.
This has NEVER happened before. Honestly, I’m so depressed with how I look and feel but I can’t seem to stop stuffing my face with chocolate and snacks. I know exactly what I should be eating and that I should be exercising but I can’t. I cant motivate myself anymore. I just always mess it up for myself. I tell myself not to eat an entire bar of chocolate because I’ll feel bad afterwards and I still do it knowing that. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I guess this is kind of a vent and I’m looking for advice. How do I stop feeling sorry for myself and just get my shit together?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fsu0zh/tonight_my_bf_looked_at_my_half_naked_body_and/
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