I’m in my mid 20s, female, height is around 5’5 and weight is somewhere just over 250 lbs. I’ve been lurking in this sub for years, but I feel like it’s time to vent a little.
Growing up I was always a chubby kid, but I feel like my family made a much bigger deal about it than it actually was, which kinda led me to binge, and made it worse throughout the years. I remember being 147ish lbs at 11, my height was pretty much the same as now, and I spent the summer at my grandparents’ where I lost about 11 pounds because they portion controlled my food, and my grandma was really happy that she made me lose weight. Side note, my grandmother has always been one of the biggest factors in all this, I always felt like I disappointed her by not losing the weight, and that I’ll only be good enough when I’m skinny. She recently “joked” that she would love me more if I lost weight, confirming my theory. I try to not let it affect me anymore, but I’m sure growing up it made an impact.
Since all my life I felt like I’m not going to be good enough until I’m skinny, I feel like I’ve been avoiding anything and everything until I lose the weight. The problem is that I still haven’t lost the weight, and I still kind of avoid things, even though I understand now that it is not as big of a deal as I always though it was. I didn’t start dating until later than my peers, because I thought no one would find me attractive, and was shocked when I realized that people actually do. I still go to interviews fearing that they are going to reject me because I am fat. Everything I do or don’t do, I blame my weight for it.
I have tried crash diets, calorie counting, GLP-1, and they all obviously worked. For a while. And then I start binge eating again. And then I obviously gain weight. And it’s like I’m not even trying anymore, because candy and junk food makes me so happy, and I’m just gonna fail anyways.
I have been going to therapy on and off since I was 14, I do struggle with mental health issues, but I am also aware that they would probably improve with a healthier lifestyle as well.
I feel like I’m stuck, and I have felt like this for years now, and I wonder if I subconsciously don’t want to lose the weight so that I have an excuse to blame everything on, or if I’m just lazy. I mean in theory it would be so easy, I just eat less and move more.
I don’t really know what I expect from this post, I just wanted to let it out to people that understand, because most people around me don’t, and thank you for taking the time to read all of this.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1qc7wxl/im_so_tired_of_this_extra_weight/
Comments
Post a Comment