Sw 300lbs cw 257lbs 5'10 male
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a child I was fat but I was fairly active. Played soccer for many years as a child, maybe its because of that, that I felt certain I'd some day have abs dispite the lack of any compelling evidence. Eventually, puberty hit me and I started to grow and slim down. Then when I was 13 I looked at myself in the mirror after having just gotten out of the shower and I thought, "If I ever intend to keep that promise I have to take action." So, on some random day I decided to start working out and set off to build muscle. I fell in love with bodybuilding and received a lot of attention because of it from middle school all the way through high-school. Senior year of highschool 2019 I was 200lbs of mostly muscle. I could benche press 315lb, do one arm push ups, pull ups, squat 275lb, etc...
That all stopped. It stopped because I started college and I struggled. I struggled with school and the transition to adulthood. The freedom and lack of structure. There was no external force keeping me in line, no obligation that required me to maintain healthy habits like good sleep and clear boundaries about how many hours I should spend playing video games. Then, the pandemic happend and the ethereal social fabric that had once compelled me to go to bed because it's a "school night", was completely gone. Why bother with any kind of structure when I had weeks to do assignments, no where to be in person, no need to make myself presentable, and encouraged to stay home and not be a vector for covid.
My sleep became inverted. Video games my escape. Deliver food apps a comfort. My social life destitute. A combination of factors that left me profoundly depressed, unhealthy, neglecting basic hygiene, unmotivated, and irrationally irritable. I felt that the walls of my room were trying to eat me and I had no escape. I gained 100lbs.
It's OK! I am doing much better. My depression is gone and I once again brush my teeth/shower regularly. Also, I did earn that fucking college degree! It almost killed me, but I got it! Not to brag or nothing but- depressed me still managed to earn that degree in 4 years. Anyway, now I'm stuck trying to lose all the weight I gained and improve my health. It's going well, it's only been like 6mo but I'm losing weight and regaining some of my strength and muscles.
But fuck me is it hard and time consuming. I'm tired but i know that its better to take action now at 23 then at 43. So I am determined to lose the weight and keep it off but I'll probably fight obesity my entire life to some extent. Maybe it's just the impulse to engage in the worst of my habits maybe it's gaining 100lbs. I sure hope not and I'll do my best. Anyways, thanks for reading, any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated as well as wisdom.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1dcg6tu/im_tired_but_not_defeated/
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