For a great deal of my life I generally put care into having a pretty healthy lifestyle simply as a courtesy to myself. There were no looming physical complications on the horizon and it's not like the rest of my family put the same amount of care into their diet and exercise anyway, but I tried out a plethora of different workouts and approaches to healthy eating simply because I just liked doing it in my free time. It was the perfect cycle of positive reinforcement and my god did it get results because towards the end of this era of experimentation for me it resulted in the best shape I've ever been in.
And now I weigh the most I ever have. There's legitimate concerns with my blood pressure and cholesterol and I keep outgrowing clothing. Watching what I eat will never be without the depressing notion that I will inevitably go back to eating whatever the hell I want disappointingly sooner than expected. I still try to work out regularly to at least take care of my body on some level but obviously it's not enough at this point to quell whatever mess I seem to have gotten into here.
Alas, whenever I come across the topic of fitness in general these days, it additionally comes with a great big serving of metal attrition to boot. I get a little depressed after every shower simply because I glimpsed my naked body in a mirror. I can't help but compare myself to those dangerously obese people who refuse to lose weight even though I'm actively doing the opposite. I'm deathly afraid that I'm lazy and it's all my fault, as if to spit in the face of all my efforts to stay fit for the last several years. Hell, even browsing this sub is a hard time for me even though it's surprisingly positive and has plenty of rational advice.
I just miss when this was all a fun little hobby to me instead of now, where every healthy decision or wake up call is met with a mental jab to the gut. One in which this time I'm doomed to tread upon the endless hamster wheel of trial, error, and regret (which coincidentally, happens to be a theme in seemingly every other endeavor of mine atm).
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/xi6ybi/i_really_miss_when_this_used_to_be_fun_for_me/
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