F30 - 65kg 157cm - 143lbs 5'1 - TW ED mentioned (but it's supposed to be a success story)
May 2021 weight - 87 kg / 191lbs
December 2022 weight - 52 kg / 114lbs
I was a really active member of this sub with another account from May 2021 to late 2022, and that helped me so much in losing weight, I started with a BMI of 35 obesity stage 2 and managed to lose almost 40 kilos from healthy eating and everyday yoga (for the first 8 months, then stopped). It was such a life changing journey, I felt like I was giving myself a present every day by treating my body with respect. I managed to do all that in 1.5 years and reached my goal weight in December 2022 and it felt so good. The problem is that I've slowly gained back weight and now I have reached a point where I'm overweight again, and I struggle so much going back to those same healthy habits..
I remember that I have always been more or less fat but never really managed to start losing weight until I accepted my body, stopped the negative self-talk and just kept telling myself I was beautiful, and that the excess fat was nothing more than stored calories all over my body, that I could transform into energy, while treating my body with love. That period of my life was so full of love and good memories, and it feels so distant now.
I'm so bitter that I ruined all that progress. I had an ED before which was healed while I was still obese thanks to years of therapy (and that's what made me able start to lose weight), and I don't feel like I had a relapse, but I kind of got back in some bad habits that were part of it - mainly eating mindlessly sometimes, without really paying attention to the food, which is something I loved doing while losing weight. I thought of the texture, the nutrients, and all the good things it was doing to my body other than adding calories, and I feel like that's where the true healthy part of it was lying. I don't want to repeat myself, but it was all done out of pure love towards myself, my body, and food, so much that I never missed unhealthy food, nor ever felt like I was depriving myself of something - on the contrary, I felt like I was getting back all the love for myself I missed for so much time of my life.
I've been basically putting back weight since February-March 2023 and it has now added up to 12 kilos VS the 34 kilos lbs I managed to lose.
I've been trying to start having a calorie deficit again since March, but I can't keep at it for more than a week - I just get so discouraged, bored, I don't know what to call it.
For the last two days I've been trying to simply eat whatever I want and count the calories to see how much I eat to feel full, and that adds up to almost 1600kcal, which is way too much for me to lose weight, since I'm almost 100% sedentary.
Being sedentary doesn't help, as well as living with my SO who is obese, is not considering therapy for his unhealthy relationship with food, and basically refuses to improve our habits as a couple. I'm able to separate our situations, I know that what goes into my mouth is my responsibility, he doesn't force me to eat anything, it's just getting more and more difficult to simply... stay mindful, especially because trying to talk about it when deciding what, where, how much to eat, usually ends up in conflict or disappointment. I sometimes regret moving in together. And it hurts so much to say it.
Everything that's said about my current situation feels like empty words. I can count the calories and eat healthy, but these words feel empty. I end up doing that for a week and then stop caring.
I'm considering a gym subscription which is something I didn't do during the first weight loss time span.
This is my MFP weight chart starting from May 2021 up until now.
I'm sorry for the aimless rant, but I really would like to hear some perspective from you. Does any of you relate to this, or maybe found a solution, a workaround?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1dth74o/i_feel_like_ive_gotten_desensitized_and_cant_lose/
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