19F, 300 lbs
This is the post I never wanted to make.
Please read before commenting things like “just consume fewer calories than your tdee.”
During covid, I managed to lose about 40 lbs, going from 200 (2020) down to 160 (2021). During that time, I was able to avoid eating out because of the lockdown and I allowed the math of weight loss to consume me. I was tracking macros on top of calories. I have always struggled with OCD, and when that mixed with the obsession to lose weight, I destroyed myself mentally. I was not diagnosed with OCD until early 2023 and my doctor prescribed an SSRI to treat that and general depression/anxiety. At the point of the diagnosis, I had already gained about 60 lbs back. This gain had an even worse effect on my mental state and it is why I reached out to a professional.
The SSRI muted the part of my brain that did the math and I began thinking less and less of my weight and enjoying life a lot more. I wasn’t self conscious for the first time in my life. Woohoo, I guess? My weight just bloomed out of control at that point and I quit the SSRI cold turkey in August of 2023 after feeling like my whole body healthy was worse off because of it. Note: I’m not avoiding accountability here when I say this- I know I’m the one that put what I did into my body and that it was my decision; the consequences just felt much less severe while taking the medication.
Now, I’m here: 140 pounds up to a spot I never thought I would be. I know I must start losing weight and getting healthier. I feel things within my body that I never thought I’d let myself feel. I can feel how unhealthy I am, from my breathing to the way my organs feel inside of me. It’s sickening. I’m just so afraid of activating the numbers game again and I don’t really know how to lose weight without doing so. I don’t know if this is an oddly specific situation or not, but how have you guys had success managing weight loss without watching calories/your weight when you have no intuitive eating skills and don’t ever feel full?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1d0v57v/nsfw_heavier_topics_discussed_lost_40_lbs_and/
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