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Back where I started

Three years later, 15 kg lost and gained, I am back where I started. Day one is today.

I often feel that everything in my life will be better if I lose weight. I, personally, seem to love myself more when my weight is down than when my weight is up. When I weigh more I have a self-destructive voice telling me I’m useless, inadequate, a failure. I often think my life will be better when my weight is down. I think that I will do so much more with my day, that I will be more extra, achieve more and know what I want out of life. This distortion of myself is so wrapped up in my weight. There are elements of truth to this as when my weight is lower, I am usually in routine and disciplined which extends from what I eat, to how I spend my time, to generally being more productive. But I am the same person. I have been challenging myself to not base so much of my identity on what my current weight is. Less phone time, less tv, less scrolling. These are my new challenges. The time freed up I’m trying to fill with being more active.

I had a full hysterectomy a year ago. Month on month my weight has increased by 1 kg. But now the hard work starts to take advantage of my improved health as a result of the hysterectomy.

My post has no real question. It is just a pledge to let myself know that I mean business.

submitted by /u/Presentation_bug
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1c7rvt8/back_where_i_started/

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