I used to be 265lbs but I dropped to around 245 and it was really starting to affect my mental health in a positive way obviously. For the first time in my life I was seeing real progress. However after the birth of my second son, the work schedule and sleepless nights have been rough for my wife and I. As a result I have put a lot of weight back on (I am back to around 260lbs) and have been eating above my calorie intake (I lost weight at around 1700 calories and 16:4 intermittent fasting). My main issue was always binging so a lot of that has been happening since my son's birth, my anxiety acting up and my depression weighing me down.
Anyway I recorded a video for my students (I teach high school commerce) and after I saw myself and the way I looked I wanted to cry in disgust of what I have become. I'm 35, balding and grossly overweight. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I used to look at myself a year ago and literally think 'I would date me', but now I look at myself and think 'what the F have you done'? I have a wonderful wife and 2 amazing kids but I don't want them to see me like this. I am deeply embarrassed, ashamed and pretty much any negative word you can think of.
I know what I need to do. I like my plan of a calorie deficit and IF. Its pretty sustainable for me because I'm too busy to eat at school and I'm usually in bed by 9. I know what I need to substitute to limit my calories. I need to stop binging or at least snack responsibly. I know as well that I am not looking for perfection and only look for progress which greatly satisfied me. To be honest I don't know where I am going with this and I don't even know what I'm looking for by making this post. I'm just very embarrassed right now and pretty much feel that my wife and kids can do so much better. The only thing in my head is 'what have you done to yourself'. Maybe I'm looking for support, maybe I'm looking for help. At this point I really don't know. I will say this though, regardless of the progress I made recently, I do feel that this journey of my weight loss has been pretty lonely. In many ways I know what to do but also in many ways I'm lost. I'm sorry I'm rambling now and I don't know if this is even the right subreddit to post this on. If not then I'm sorry.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1bo0rsy/saw_myself_on_video_and_now_i_feel_like_puking/
Comments
Post a Comment