Very long vent incoming.
I feel so humiliated to even be posting this considering the last post I made literally a few hours ago, but I failed once again and ended up caving and eating so much food today. No matter how hard I try, no matter how reasonable and doable my goals are, I always give up. I am fully aware this is my fault and I know it's because I just have shit motivation and discipline. For context, I'm 20F, 5'5", CW: ~133 lbs. The last time I restarted my journey, I lasted a week before caving today. My budget was very doable: 1400 calories a day and I ate nutritious, balanced meals every day while incorporating some physical exercise throughout the day too. I was seeing progress throughout the week and was happy about it. But every meal still left me hungry because I'm still not used to eating that little, and I naturally have a huge appetite. I always fight this hunger and try to train myself to get used to it, but I can never seem to last more than a week before finally caving. Even when I incorporate junk food and treats I crave into my budget throughout the week, I never really feel satisfied unless I eat a whole lot of it, which I can't really do when I'm in a deficit like this. So my cravings just keep accumulating and accumulating throughout the week and it gets harder and harder to fight them every day until I just snap at the end of the week. Then rinse and repeat. Because of this, my weight has been fluctuating between around 129-135 pounds for forever without ever actually going down further. I'm not even that far from my goal weight of 120. I just can't bring myself to push through the pain to get through that final stretch.
Every single time I try to lose weight, I fail. I always have some excuse but at the end of the day it's all bullshit I tell myself to excuse my bad habits and insatiable appetite. It's like I can't even go a couple hours without thinking about when my next meal is or how many calories I'll have left to incorporate a small treat at the end of the day. Food is always on my mind, and I feel like tracking and being in this deficit only makes it worse. I'm almost a junior in college now and I'm telling myself the same things I was telling myself freshman year. Looking back, I've been tormenting myself for years to try to achieve something I've ultimately never even gotten close to achieving.
Maybe at this point it's better for me to just try to find a way to incorporate some intense physical exercise multiple times a week rather than trying so hard to fight my appetite and cravings. After all, before the pandemic hit, I was extremely physically active, involved in several different sports at my school and the varsity swim and dive team that met five days a week. Looking back, I realize my appetite was just as big back then, and I would eat literally all the junk and sweets I wanted every day to my heart's content without even thinking about the hundreds of calories I was consuming. I was so physically active, though, that I always stayed skinny, toned, and lean - my health charts and old pictures are proof of that. Once covid hit and everything got shut down, I stopped exercising but my massive appetite stayed the same, which led to me being the weight I'm currently at. I know I'm still at a healthy weight and BMI, but the amount of weight I put on in such a short period of time compared to before is shocking and my goal has since been to lose that again. Should I just give up on trying to be in a deficit and switch to focusing on more intense physical activity? After all, I was never in a deficit before, but it still worked out because I was so active, and I feel like trying to limit my food always leads to me eventually snapping, every single time. I know I lack discipline, and knowing that, I still want to make this work somehow that's actually going to be sustainable for me for the rest of my life. I'm feeling disappointed but I'm not ready to quit just yet.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1boxgxi/i_failed_again/
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