I (26f) have been overweight my entire life but over the past 6 years it just got way worse were I'm hitting 330lbs. I've been dieting and exercising on and off since I was 12 but all for the wrong reasons to where I feel lost still today.
When I was younger, I wanted to lose weight because all the women in my family would tell me how gorgeous I'd be if I did, and how great my features are, but it's just hidden under my fat.
When I was around 16-18 I always kept saying "okay gotta drop 50 pounds before summer so people can approach me more and like me" mentality.
Around 24-26 I started isolating myself when I hit 300 and kept saying "I need to loose 120 before I can see my family so they won't be disappointed and pity me"
Now im at the point, still isolated but I have my partner of 5 years, where I think "I have to lose this weight so my partner doesn't leave me for neglecting myself"
It's just constantly me doing this for others, but I haven't learned to do it for myself or for the sake of me wanting to be kinder to myself. I'm not sure why.
The closest I can get is "I need to lose weight because I can't find reasonable clothes and I get out of breath getting up". I'm worried I'm getting more consumed by my shame since it's harder and harder to move around to where I'm scared to go out because all I can think of is how my weight is the first thing that registers to people when they see me, or if they judge me because my boyfriend is fit and I'm not (literally have been approached by strangers preaching him about being a good person dating someone overweight, it was horrifying)
How did people transition into more self love, like wanting to lose weight because want to take care of ourselves and we deserve to live a healthy happy life instead of feeling pain walking or getting up from the couch? Or am I just limiting myself thinking I won't have a quality of life unless I'm skinny from everyone telling me that?
I'm just tired, tired of this always being my one thing, being the "fat friend", having to shop online instead of in person, being scared of public seating or airplanes. I just don't know how to do it for me and not for everyone else.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/18ezjt0/how_can_i_learn_to_do_it_for_me/
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