hi i've never posted here before so i'm a bit nervous but I guess i just feel a bit silly about some feelings i'm getting while on my journey of weight loss that i really didn't expect to get and wanted to see if anyone has gone through this too or if i am just being super silly.
I (27f) started my weight loss journey in january this year at 192 kilos and i am now 53 kilos down. and i of course still have a long way to go but i'm really proud of myself and determined more than ever to keep going and will. i've been overweight my entire life and multiple things inspired me to finally work harder than ever to get myself a healthy life once and for all but that's another story HJASHJAS
okay so here is the part where i feel silly SAHJHJASAS LET ME JUST CLARIFY THAT IM PROUD AND HAPPY AND WANNA KEEP LOSING WEIGHT but
I guess i always had this fantasy that when i'd lose weight and be too small for my clothes i'd be so happy? and that it would be the goal right? now i can buy new clothes and celebrate that. But this weekend it really dawned on me that nothing i wear now looks good on me. I have been putting off buying new clothes cos that shit be expensive and it's also just so scary and i also don't wanna jinx myself and i feel like buying new clothes when im still losing rapidly and nowhere near done is a bit counterproductive too. But anyways i just had this moment this weekend when i wanted to go out for dinner with family that none of my favourite clothes fit me anymore. and not in a oh this is slightly big but i can get away with it thing. it just looks silly. and suddenly i just felt this weird sense of mourning and sadness and heartache and it's so dumb COS IT'S JUST CLOTHES!!! but i'm sad!!!!
i have been overweight my whole life and as a very femme overweight person in their youth i felt like i had to overcompensate hard to feel beautiful, and it's not easy to find clothes that make you feel that way when you're overweight and i feel like i've spent my whole life building the kind of wardrobe that actually made me feel beautiful and like my personality was expressed in what i wore. it's such a material thing but these clothes were like my armour and my comfort no matter how ugly and fat i felt i would wear my fave skirt or my fave leggings or my fave summer dress and just feel pretty again. so when my skirt fell off me this weekend when i tried to put it on i guess it just made me sad knowing my family telling me over and over again that i need to buy new clothes were right. And i know it's amazing and rewarding to be in this position but my heart aches knowing i'm right at the beginning again where i have to find clothes that i feel good in again (especially when i know i'll eventually lose more weight and won't fit in them either) IM SORRY IM LIKE READING BACK WHILE IM STILL TYPING THIS AND I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LIKE RIDICULOUS I SOUND THIS IS SO SILLY AHHHHH IM JUST VENTING HELP IM SORRY.
i think part of the problem and why i'm sad is like I'VE LOST A FUCK TON OF WEIGHT RIGHT? but i'm still obese!!!!! i'm nowhere near done so it's like i can't fit in my fat girl clothes but i still can't do the celebratory buy clothes off the rack thing either, i just have to find NEW and more fat girl clothes and i'm just sad about it.
i guess this just wasn't something i've ever heard anyone ever talk about when they talk about their weight loss journey so i feel super dumb and silly for grieving over clothes and my weird attachment i apparently have with them that i didn't know i had jhasjhsasa and i don't know if i'm just being sensitive and emotional and dramatic and silly (and let me clarify i am absolutely all of those things personality wise so it's likely thats all this is) but i guess if anyone out there is feeling similar....i hope you see that you're not alone and i also just wonder if i'm not alone. maybe no one talks about this cos it does feel silly sahjsahjsa but i think when you've been fat your whole life and get told constantly that you're not beautiful cos of it (which is bullshit but anyways thats another post) it's normal to get attached to the small things that make you feel beautiful and for some of us i guess that truly do be something as silly as a cute jacket with embroidered flowers on it (IT'S MY FAVE PIECE OF CLOTHING AND I WILL KEEP WEARING IT EVEN WHEN I REACH MY GOAL I DON'T CARE)
anyways this post started as one thing and became another but i feel a lot better writing it all and sending this into the void. also so sorry if i broke any unspoken reddit posting rules I DON'T POST EVER IDK WHAT IM DOING but anyways if you read this then like thank you and i'm so sorry it's a mess and DON'T JUDGE ME TOO HARD also stream the cartoon infinity train it's so good (this is unrelated to all of this i just love making people watch that show) okay bye.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/1789tta/grieving_over_losing_weight_cos_of_a_very_cute/
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