So throw away as I am not ready to talk about this yet with people IRL. But for info I'm a 44 year old male.
But my back story is I was always heavy as a kid and my father loved telling me how fat I was. But I played a lot of sport, rugby, and had a good group of friends, so no one seemed to think it was an issue.
I left home and continued to put on weight. Then I had a bad leg break and really packed it on. So I got back playing my sport at over 100kg. Which in rugby isn't really a problem. But it was mostly fat and mentally I was not doing well.
At 28 I went on a holiday and couldn't even look at the photos afterwards. I decided to attack the issue head on. I ate exactly 1300 calories every day for 9 months. Got down to 78kg and was happy with that. I had gotten too old for rugby so took on more running for exercise.
I spent the next 12 years bouncing around mid 70s to low 80s for my weight. Which for my height 1.78m is okay, not great for BMI, but not horrific. But I felt under control.
Since COVID I have been shifted to full work from home. Things have spiraled out of control. I am currently at 85kg which sure isn't too bad. But I have spent 2 years trying to get back to 78 and I just can't do it. I start and fail over and over again.
A lot has changed since I first lost weight I now have 3 kids. I no longer live in the city. I work from home every day. I'm the wrong side of 40.
But this has just become brutal for my mental health. I think I am close to rock bottom. My wife was away last week, and at the end of the day I had eaten so poorly, I was trying to make myself sick. To try and undo some of the damage. One of my kids woke and it didn't happen.
My current regime is running 5k 5 to 7 times a week. I've just started heavy weight training. All weekend I'm active. But during the week I sit at a desk and I succumb to sugar cravings and emotional eating when things aren't going well. I've started sneaky eating as well. I am trying to stick to 1400 calories a day but fail.
I think I just hate the failure more then anything.
I don't expect sympathy, I know plenty of people have it harder then me. I just needed to write down what's going on. In the hope it helps me in some way.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/z2la9n/going_backwards_cant_stop_the_slide/
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