Decided to go anonymous with this because it just feels so embarrassing. This is just kind of a long-winded vent.
I’ve been overweight my entire life. When I initially complained about my size as a child it was dismissed as “baby fat”, and here I am as a 22 year old around the same BMI. I’m around 155 lbs at 5ft 5in, which I know is not morbidly obese but irl it is pretty apparent that I am overweight.
Since high school I have been off and on with exercise routines/dieting. My family has never really actively discouraged me from perusing health goals, but most of the eating habits I was exposed to weren’t healthy - lots of fast food, little in the way of veggies/reasonable portions, etc. Basically all of my hobbies - video games, artwork, etc - are passive. I had bad experiences with PE as a kid (I’m sure many can relate) and I never really had an interest in sports consequently.
Whenever I attempted to make better health choices in the past, I wouldn’t commit for long - maybe a month or so? The longest bouts would come whenever I was visiting with my dad, since he would go on walks and such anyway. I also have my own room there and at my grandparents, allowing me to have space to exercise.
I would see maybe a few pounds come off (i believe the most I lost at one time was 10 pounds), but not enough to be a definitively due to my efforts or just weight fluctuation. I also have issues with depression and would often think what the point of it all was, that I would be unattractive regardless, etc… I would stop doing it
Right now I’m a dependent living with my parents until my final college semester (student teaching, I’m not allowed to work and do it simultaneously). I’ve been eating a ton of shit I shouldn’t even when not hungry, and we have fast food at least half the time.
We don’t have room in the house for me to exercise right now (there’s a ton of dorm crap in my room, and just miscellaneous stuff elsewhere). I don’t think it constitutes as a hoarding situation, but having a ton of stuff in a small house is pretty overwhelming. Trying to cook relatively healthy is difficult financially since out of the 6 people (3 adults, 3 kids) most would opt for fast food instead of whatever I make.
I feel worst for my youngest sister. She is 8 and has been bullied for her weight at school too. She has developed asthma and I don’t want her to grow up like I did, but I know I have no control over that. She does go outside to play but also has had a tablet from an early age and is glued to it, even when going to the bathroom or during dinner. She also has dessert multiple times daily and thinks she needs to eat every other hour.
I know at the end of the day I am the only one I can rely on to make these lifestyle changes, but doing it without some kind of encouragement or support is hard. I know it is illogical but part of me feels like somehow no matter what I do I will never end up the healthier, happier version of myself.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/vk7gw3/feeling_trapped_in_my_own_body/
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