I don’t know what it is with me. I cant stop feeling bad about myself. I know losing weight takes a while and it’s all about doing it slow and making it into a life long thing ,, not just a “diet” or something temporary. I know that my goal is so fix my broken relationship with food and learn about portion control and making healthier choices but … I can’t help but hate myself for where I am.
I was on TikTok and saw a video of these two girls sitting in a car and filming their reactions to one of their exes messaging them. Literally nothing weird. There’s a thousand videos like that on the app but these two girls were fat. That’s the only difference about them and the other videos. They were fat. Their body had NOTHING to do with the video or why they posted it and the comments were so gross. “It’s the same reaction they get when they see their food was delivered” “It’s their Uber driver messaging them that they picked up their food”
I almost cried. Because I wonder if people look at me the same way. I don’t know why people can be cruel. I don’t know if I’m just super sensitive. I’ve had such a rough time losing weight. I have reached two months of me counting calories and last month managed to lose 10 pounds but this month I didn’t really lose anything. I have been going from 216 - 212 for the whole month. It’s my fault. I know what I’m doing wrong. I haven’t had the chance to buy groceries or ANYTHING so my family and I have been living off of fast food and little meals. It’s nothing crazy. I manage to stay on track a few days but then I have some days where I go 300-400 calories over.
I had my period and don’t know how to handle the cravings I get. I crave coffee. Frappes specifically which have soooo many calories. Even a small has 420 calories. And I want chocolate. And chicken sandwiches. And fries and chips and so much stuff. I try eating little portions or just enough to satisfy my cravings but something I cave in and feel so shitty. I rarely go out too. It’s still a huge problem. I don’t leave my house. I take less than 500 steps a day. All of this is because of my depression. I have had the worst month of my life. It’s so hard being in a toxic relationship and then also having a toxic relationship with food. I just stress eat and curl up in my bed and cry. I have a therapist but I don’t feel like it’s helping as much. I need to get on some anxiety and depression medication but I keep putting it off. I’m just a mess. It’s so hard trying to get better when there’s just a lot of stuff to fix. It’s hard thinking I’m making any progress when I don’t feel pretty and there’s nothing anyone can do to make me think otherwise. I want to at least go back down to 180 pounds. If I could do that within 3 months then I’d be happy. I managed to lose 10 pounds in a month and I know I can do it again but … I’m spiraling. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In my whole life. I’m missing out by being fat. I’m 19. I should have friends and go out and be happy! And smile at the camera and not run from it. But I’m not. I’m a 19 year old girl who is fat and doesn’t leave the house. I’m so ashamed.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ueg2ja/im_really_struggling_and_feel_embarrassed/
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