My partner is supportive of my journey, but will make comments here and there that make me second guess whether or not I want to...
Hi all, I really hope this belongs here. I've been obese for my age, honestly most of my life. I met my boyfriend online, and actually didn't really tell him I was "big" until a few months in. He said it was fine, but we honestly hadn't even met yet. Once we met though, I could tell that this was all new for him, seeing as he had always had an eye for thinner women. So he is by no means a fetishist.
Regardless, we've been living together for about 3 years now. I've since gained maybe 80 pounds or so since we got together, topping out at early 300s (haven't checked the scale or looked in the mirror in a long time). He has been extremely supportive of me, whether I have said I wanted to lose weight and start a "new" journey, no matter what. He's said "Honey, I love you how you are. No matter what. Even if you stayed the same weight or whatever, that's fine."
"I love your eyes, your lips, thighs, belly,..." (etc)
"I love your boobs honey, they're perfect to me."
"Your thigh is just.... soooo comfortable right now."
I appreciate that. But I think now those comments are starting to get to me. I recently expressed some self-esteem issues and compared myself to the thinner women he used to be into. In response, he said "Honey, I love you just the way you are now! Please believe me!!" but I then responded with "Wait, but you'll love me if I lose weight too right?" and then my mind began to spiral.
What if he actually thinks I look thin and weird when I lose weight? I've never been below 250 since dating him. Now I'm in the 300s. What if he finds me too thin? What if he is repulsed by my loose skin? What if he is sad that my boobs are smaller? (He is a boob guy to the core). What if he's sad that he doesn't have a big cushion to lay his head on?
To reassure me when I express my self-image issues, he is always saying "Honey, I seriously love you just the way you are now" and will hug me. It scares me to think that maybe he will be uncomfortable when I do lose weight, considering I'm always the big spoon.
Has anyone experienced this fear that your partner will find you less attractive? Is this too trivial of a thought? I've been so reluctant to lose weight for this very reason, and I know... I absolutely shouldn't be seeking validation from anyone but myself, but it's very scary to think my partner might be put off by my weightloss.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/rqhfih/my_partner_is_supportive_of_my_journey_but_will/
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