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Women with PCOS, I need help (27/F)

It's a long read, but if you stay long enough any help would be appreciated.

Background: I've been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) since I was 12. I started rapidly gaining weight when I was 10, to the dismay of my weight conscious mother. I was turning into the fat kid, and she hated it. At the same time my breasts started developing and omg puberty was beginning.

I'm of Chinese ethnicity, so my mom takes me to the local herbalist to have traditional puberty meds to make her daughter have nicer skin, lose weight, and become taller. Ya know, the Asian keys to success. So I had these ghastly soups made of lord knows what. I know they smelled and tasted like bad gasoline but I was too young to know otherwise. I threw them in the sink when I couldn't take it anymore. I was 10. This went on for 2 years, and I was still getting fat.

At 12, my period came. My mom was so happy. Some Chinese believe that when your period comes you'll lose all that baby weight and her fat, scrappy daughter was gonna be pretty and thin. Of course I stayed the same, but my weight increased and 6 months into my period. It stopped. For 3 years. No blood for 3 years.

At 13 she brought me to those celebrity dietitians, who a few years later was sued for malpractice. He wasn't a doctor and customer of his had such bad burns from a skinny skin treatment that he had to shut down.

And my mom never brought me to a doctor. At 14 she brought me to another traditional healer, who did this weird massage and my period came back and I bled for 3 weeks. I nearly fainted once or twice. I told her this and she said wow that's great all the blood that was backed up is gone now. My period was never regular after. It would come after a year again after that.

At 16 she finally brought me to a doctor, but I was so angry at myself at that time. I was 155lbs at 5'2'', and every day my mom called me a lazy fat ass. The doctor she brought me to tried to explain to her what PCOS was but when she heard about birth control she refused. She had read about the reports of those who died from stroke or heart attacks from OCPs so I never got treated. I was just upset I was told I was fat cos of a medical condition I could not control. My mom had started getting into weird paleo and homeopathy shit with this 'doctor' who gave me chelation sessions x 10 to 'remove' toxins from my body. It never worked.

At 17 she brought me to another doctor, who gave me the same diagnosis. My mom finally tried the OCPs. My resentment was so much by this time I was the one who was non compliant, telling her nothing would work and I'd be ugly forever.

At 20, I went into medical school. I learned about metabolism and macros and I took meds for blood sugar (Metformin) instead of birth control, which is part of the treatment for PCOS but off label and a REALLY STRICT DIET. It worked. In 14 months I had gone from 180lbs to 106lbs. My mother called me crazy and told me I wasn't a doctor yet and she was so angry I had lost enough weight to look sick (Asia Pacific BMI put me in Normal okay). But I wasn't sick.

And for the most part I've lived really healthy lifestyle despite medschool and now as a licensed doctor.

But at 26 I ran into some bad hospital applications. I became depressed in Sept 2018, bullied in the medical field, and nearly drank myself to death. My diet became erratic cos the hospitals served us fast food and sugary drinks. I couldn't make my own food cos of time constraints. I wasn't paid the entire application process. I went through 6 applications x 1 month or more each with skips in between. I couldn't take my Metformin on time, and I was off it for months. I couldn't see an OB or a Psych for myself.

In June 2019 I went to see my psych. I had depression and anxiety and put me on meds. I was fired by an angry chairman over something unjust, and by this time I had gained a lot of weight back. I started applications at 135-140lbs in Sept 2018, and at July 2019 I'm now at 155-160lbs range.

I know I'm a doctor now, but I can't find the courage to see an OB for my work up. I know the guidelines and I know how to treat myself but I'm not financially independent cos of losing my job, so I'm asking for money from my parents. Unless I'm employed at a hospital, I don't get insurance.

My mother finally wants me to see a doctor, and she'll give me money but going to see an OB means they'll know my record as a doctor and eventually ask how I was fired through the grapevine. They won't listen to my side of the story cos I'm the junior in terms of seniority. A GP. And from where I'm from GPs aren't respected until you work for as a specialist (of which I was fired from, and it involved a professional problem, not a patient or malpractice).

TL;DR - So I wanted to ask, people with PCOS, how did you lose weight? What diets did you do OR how did you diet? The strain of my first diet isn't feasible anymore. Did you deal with depression too?

Any help would be great, I would love and thank you.

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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/cjmrwi/women_with_pcos_i_need_help_27f/

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